Why are emotions so important?
- Studies have shown that people with out-of-control emotions not only suffer from depression, anxiety, anger issues, and relational dysfunction, but also with heart problems, immunodeficiency, and even the recurrence of cancer. Referenced from “Deadly Emotions” by Don Colbert M.D.
- When our emotions are relatively stable we have increased immunity and more successful relationships. The motivating factor here is…A Better Quality of Life! Referenced from “Emotional Intelligence” by Daniel Goleman
Step One: Orienting to Emotions
- Sit quietly and take note of any emotions felt. Basic Emotions are Mad, Sad and Happy. I recommend starting with the basic emotions and working your way up to the more complicated ones.
- It is important to also take notice of your physical body and what you are feeling (ie. Heart rate, body temperature, comfort, pain, hunger, thirst, and so on…)
- Begin listing out emotions felt throughout the day and attached to each emotion write down what was happening at the time. This may be a situation, a place, a person, a thing, a memory, and whatever.
- You are looking for the object connected to the emotion, otherwise known as the “Trigger.”
- For best results practice daily for approximately 5 minutes.
Step Two: Understanding Triggers
- Identify the reality of the Trigger by asking questions about yourself.
- Do I really care what this person thinks?
- Do they really know me that well?
- Am I missing something in this conversation?
- Is this issue really that important to me?
- Am I communicating clearly? Or do I just think I am?
- Do I know the full story? Or have I been listening to what I want to hear?
- And so on…………
- Note: Addressing circumstances can be difficult if you are flooded with overwhelming emotions. You may have to wait until a calmer state occurs before you can begin uncovering the reality of the situation.
- Well I can just tell! I just know! Might be some of your answers. It is likely that your past experiences are informing your reactions to similar situations with different people. Be careful not to project a past experience onto a current situation.
- What are my beliefs about others and self?
- Are people all bad? Or all good? Or both?
- Am I all bad? Or all good? Or both?
- Are my values different than that person? And/or are there values different than mine?
- Are you “Mind Reading”?
- Do they really have those intentions? Are they really thinking that about you?
- How do you know what others think or believe?
Step Three: Who is in Control?
- To gain control of our emotions we must determine what we are in control of and what we are not in control of.
- What does it feel like to be without control?
- In what ways do you behave when you don’t have control?
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- Revisit step 1 and 2
- It is common for everybody to try and maintain order in the often chaotic lives we live. If a picture is crooked we are bound to make it level, but attempting to control that which is uncontrollable (ie. Freeway Traffic) only creates more bitterness and anxiety.
- IMPORTANT!!!!! Friends and family are not objects for us to control, only people with whom we journey this life together.
Step Four: Picking Our Battles.
- Ask yourself the question: Is this REALLY worth fighting for?
- Remember, the battle does not have to be within, and your relationship is not about competition. Refer back to step three if you believe you are always right
NOTE: These are steps can be repeated and revisited throughout one’s life to gain further mastery over out-of-control emotions.
